Like David, I write psalms from time to time. I have a small book full of them. Most never see the light of day.
There is a psalm in the Bible for every emotional high and low. That’s one of the beauties of the psalms. Most end in an upbeat praise to Yah no matter how low the starting point. Mine are no different.
I just now wrote a new psalm and I’m being led to share it with you. I labor over most of my psalms for days or weeks. This one was birthed in an hour. Maybe someone can relate, and it will bless someone. Then again maybe not…
Psalm X—A Psalm of Natan Lawrence
I’ve given it all and have nothing left except what You give me to give.
I’m running on empty, so where is Your heavenly filling station?
I am nothing except what You make of me.
I have nowhere to go except where You lead me.
I have nothing to say except what You put in my mouth.
For half a century Your word has been my breakfast, yet I know nothing.
You’re a vast ocean and I’m a single drop.
I’ve done it all:
Shepherded Your sheep who’d rather go astray,
Helped to gather the lost tribes here and across the nation—
But the rebels refused and divided.
Made disciples as You commanded of sheep who only bit and stomped.
Preached the gospel a thousand times till my voice was hoarse…
To those who stopped their ears and spat.
Poured out my soul to hearts of stone till my heart bled.
Prepared sumptuous meals to those who refused to eat till I was starving.
Visited You while You were in prison,
Fed You when you were starving,
And clothed You when You were naked.
Written volumes unlocking the delectable mysteries of Your word,
But they refused to eat—
Preferring instead their play toys!
Begged, pleaded, threatened, encouraged Your people to seek You,
Till I have no more voice, am empty of tears, weary of strength and faint of heart.
Led them to green pastures and to still waters,
But the manna from heaven was to them as dirt.
Blazed new paths in the forest and no one followed.
Made a tabernacle camp in the wilderness, and Your children merely complained.
Raised high the banner of Yeshua, and they went back to sleep.
Worshipped, danced and shouted like David,
While they sat unmoved, glued to their chairs.
Raised my voice in prayer crying out to the Most High,
While the sound of snoring rose from the back row.
Unfulfilled dreams have come and are now long past.
My dreams or Yours?
I cannot tell.
Are my failed visions merely launch pads to something yet to come—
My Master’s plan yet unrevealed?
Were these ventures pointless cisterns of my own hewing,
Merely tests of my character, refinements of my soul,
Preparing me for the real mission over the next hill?
All that I’ve done, learned, studied, taught, preached, written—
And still no revival!
Is it all vanity of vanities?
Has my focus been misplaced on doing instead of being?
So what now?
Like Samuel and Jeremiah, You’ve called me from my youth.
Like John, I stand alone— a voice in the wilderness.
Like Joseph, I’m held captive in the prison of this world.
Like David and Jeremiah, I await Your deliverance from the miry pit weeping.
Like Elijah, in the cave’s mouth,
I stand alone discouraged awaiting Your voice.
Like Nahum, I’ve written down the vision and stand watch waiting.
Like Moses, I can’t go forward without Your Presence.
Though the land is dry, barren, desolate and destroyed,
Like Habakkuk, I will sing my hymn of faith and rejoice in Elohim my strength!
Like Isaiah, I await Your waters in the wilderness,
When, behold, You will do a new thing,
When You will rend the heavens and come down,
And the mountains will shake at Your presence,
And Your fire will consume, refine, ignite and defend Your defamed Name.
Like Isaiah, my lips are unclean,
So cleanse me…
Here I am!
Use me.
Until then, like Amos, I’ll go back to picking my figs,
And tending my flock,
Until You send me forth.
Like David, I will look to the hills from whence comes my help,
Lifting my eyes skyward as a servant looks up to his master,
As a dog to its owner.
Like Martha, I will sit myself quietly at Yeshua’s feet,
Quiet my anxious soul
Like a weaned child with his mother.
And I will wait patiently on Yehovah Elohim.
Maybe I’m finally coming to the end of myself…
And you can really use me now.
Sometimes it feels good to get things off your chest and out into the open!
whew.
Shalom Natan
it appears that you have been doing Elohim’s will if this is the response.
Rejoice!!! & Thankyou for sharing….to have the high is to experience the low and the HIGH is to serve in Hope.
In little ways I believe every true heart has or will experience these testings BECAUSE they are the results of enjoining to battle for the Kingdom of the Most High on His terms of engagement against Satan’s kingdom.
Blessings to you. We don’t know how many will repent & not continue to snore or sleep or spit & then wake up to the reality of the gift of FAITH and the pursuit of following the Lamb.
Rejoice in your family who do pursue. Many do not have that. Deaf ears & closed eyes are God’s to open & the times are exceedingly wicked.
Perhaps we are commissioned to go to ALL and not look to reap the Harvest before time. It is a little flock.
My hope is that many more will come to repentance & until then, all we can do is call out.
Standing outside the Temple and being ignored is part of the job description though!
This could be a sign that the ones who have been called to the wedding feast have already come in from Judah & Israel Ephraim (scattered).
The rejectors have rejected the invite.
Those in the lanes and the countryside both righteous & sinners from the nations will be invited in so that another iteration of Elohim’s mercy in the prophetic words may be coming into Torah now. Some places in Africa are on fire to receive and do the Words of the Scroll……Torah not xstianity sans Truth.
Love in Christ our Salvation. FJ
Thank you!!!
And what was the divine response:
“I have reserved for myself 7000 men who have not bowed their knee to the image of Baal”. and “My Grace is sufficient for thee”….. It’s gonna be exciting to see what comes next Natan.♡
Be encouraged Natan. I was lamenting much the same way last night and I have not served Elohim near as long as you have. I agree with all FJ said. Here, we have been called to a street ministry; feeding, clothing and preaching the gospel to the “unchurched” (Yah’s term given to me). I have believed with all my heart that the Luke 14:15 parable is in effect. I am getting greater resistance from the “churched”.
This morning His Ruach gave me an excerpt from Frances Roberts book, Come Away My Beloved. “You shall open the door of ministry for My servants, and you shall partake of the fruits that will come as a result…Be My agent of righteousness and goodwill, and I will prove Myself to you as your loving heavenly Father, supplying your needs out of the riches of My own treasury…” (You have encouraged me beyond words over and over.)
The whole letter is about continuing to give to the kingdom, joyfully and sacrificially. Your writings I have read and studied to date resemble my unction’s, and tell me you are compelled to keep enduring; you can’t help yourself, though the weariness overwhelms at times.
Those with the same spirit do seem to be few and far between…but we are here! Love and blessings to you and your family.
Amein and halleluYah!
When I was peaching the gospel on the streets of Portland 20 years ago, my greatest resistance was from the church as well. I can’t imagine what it must be like now! It got so bad, that sometimes I had to have police protection from the Christians! No kidding!!!—on two occasions.
I could write a book, but like the Baptist pastor friend of mine said recently to me about his 40 years experiences as a pastor, “No one would read it.”
I know what you’re saying is true! We have patrol officers at one location when we go. Somehow confessing Christianity changed from giving up one’s life for His name’s sake, to the carnal: injuring, damaging, and slandering another’s. Don’t they know Luke 9:50? “Forbid him not: for he that is not against us is for us.” Yah help all your laborers!
Shalom Brother, Thank you for sharing your thoughts and even more, your heart. Much of what you wrote, I can relate to. We are called to do what WE are called to do and the rest we leave with Father… others are responsible to do their part. We cannot / should not try to do theirs. The heart of a shepherd indeed cries out for the sheep. You have been and are faithful to Shema the Voice of The Holy One. May we each learn to walk in what you wrote in the last few lines! Amein and Amein! May YAH bless you as you continue to serve Him and minister to us.
Thank you. We all need to hear such words of inspiration and to know that we’re not alone out there!
You can’t use a tree till you cut it down, you can only stand in it’s shadow..the unbroken heart will always be shallow..the deeper the cut, the better the healing, it’s not in the cards, it depends on who’s dealing…cg P.s you made my soul weep 🙁
The Church age is pretty much over. Elohim will now use Israel.
“For YHVH will have mercy on Jacob, and will yet choose Israel, and set them in their own land: and the strangers shall be joined with them, and they shall cleave to the house of Jacob.” Isaiah 14:1
(It is now the season for figs) 🙂
“……for salvation is of the Jews”) John 4:22
“…..how much more their fullness” Romans 11:12
Peace out and Shalom Y’all !!!
Ever since I left the Church and was convinced that the Hebrew roots movement was the way to go back in 2003 I had a bible verse stenciled onto the back window of my pickup truck. The bible verse is Jeremiah 10: 1-8. In my observation over the years you used to see many vehicles all over the streets and highways displaying the Christian Fish symbol, or the cross, or the slogan “My boss is a Jewish carpenter” and the like. Not so these days . Gone are these markings to a vast degree, oh you see some, but not like there used to be.
Well one day I decided to remove my little hand made stencil from the back of my pickup truck. I removed it for 3 days. Then I thought to myself if I do that . That makes me a coward I reasoned with myself of the many hundreds of thousands of people who have read my little bible scripture verse in my back window while sitting in traffic behind me?
I picked the Jeremiah verse because it’s the one that brings to peoples attention the worthlessness of the tree as a scripture that may trigger them to read that verse and understand it and want to dig more into what the bible has to say.
I received a deep conviction to restore the bible verse to my pickup truck and there it remains. I’m making a stand for Yeshua .Even though I may be making myself a target in this present day America that is suffering from Islamaphobiia (in my humble opinion) I don’t care I’m going to stand up for Yeshua. I believe all these Christian markings are disappearing everywhere because people are scared they are going to be targeted.Like I say I received a deep spiritual conviction to restore what I started and I am much happier for it. We all have our part in the body of Messiah maybe my purpose is to be a moving billboard for Yahway’s word.
Go for it! I have a gospel sign on my truck too.
“Let the redeemef of YHVH say so” !!!
It seems that you are already tired,Sir.
Just take time to rest.
Don’t worry all the goods things you have done for the LORD and his Kingdom,
will not go in vain.
You and your loved ones will be rewarded here in the olam hazeh and in the olam haba.