Matthew 19:8, Put away your wives. Most churches allow for divorce, but some do not permit remarriage under any circumstances. This is may seem like an extreme position, those who teach this can make a strong case that this is the Bible’s position.
Some churches teach that divorce and remarriage is acceptable in some instances, but not in others. This is where it gets sticky and depends on the interpretations of many clear as well as some unclear biblical passages. The truth is that each marriage and divorce case is unique. Each situation needs to be evaluated case by case based on biblical guidelines. My thoughts (below) on the subject of divorce and remarriage are only general in nature.
Some churches take the approach that all sins can be forgiven except the sin of divorce and remarriage. This would mean that divorce and remarriage is the unpardonable sin for which the blood of Yeshua is ineffective. This is a biblically untenable position.
The Scriptures say that YHVH hates divorce (Mal 2:16). Why? Because he had to divorce his own (spiritual) wife, Israel, because of her adultery against him (e.g., Jer 3:8). But he’s going to remarry her again, but this time it will be to redeemed Israel, which is a new, spiritually regenerated bride. Furthermore, Yeshua died to pay the price for Israel’s capital sin of adultery. On our website (http://www.hoshanarabbah.org/pdfs/divorce.pdf), I have a teaching about the prophetic implications of divorce where I discuss this issue.
The Torah allows for divorce and remarriage following certain protocols (Deut 24:1–4). Yeshua acknowledges this in the Gospels and accepts this fact due to of the hardness of people’s hearts (Mark 10:4–5).
The issue of divorce and remarriage becomes sticky, since in Matthew 5:32 and 19:9 no one knows the exact meaning of the word “fornication.” Even the Jews of Yeshua’s time debated about its meaning, and the two Pharisaical schools of the day defined pornea (Greek) or ervah (Hebrew, see Deut 24:1, uncleanness) differently.
Luke 16:18 is an interesting passage. Some Bible teachers have proffered the idea that in the Hebrew (if we were to employ a method called back-translating—a somewhat questionable approach to biblical exegesis), the “and” in “and marrieth another” can mean “in order to marry another,” thus showing evil and lustful intent on the part of the one leaving the marriage to marry another person. In that case, it would be adultery. But if their hearts were hard and they had irreconcilable differences, then it would seem that a properly executed divorce would be permissible. Admittedly, this is speculative, but it could be a possible way to interpret Luke 16:18 such that the words of Yeshua don’t contradict the Torah, which allows for divorce—something Yeshua himself admits (Matt 19:8). That a Hebrew meaning could be read into the Greek word for and is possible, since testimony from several of the early church fathers indicates that Matthew was originally penned in Hebrew.
In our congregation, as a pastor, over the years I have married very few people, and have turned down more marriages then I have performed because I had questions about the legitimacy of the new marriage (in the case were previous marriages were an issue). When in doubt, I tell the parties involved that they can obtain a legal marriage from a judge and we will accept it in our congregation. I will marry them only if I have no doubts that their marriage fits biblical standards of righteousness in accordance with the Torah. Even this, in some cases, can be a very tough judgment call to make.
If a person is currently in a questionable marriage situation when they come to a knowledge of the Torah, I will tell them to repent of their past sins, pray for the blood of Yeshua to cover them, and then go on and live righteously “till death do you part.”
When Yeshua met the woman at well in John 4 who had been married to five husbands and was living with a man who was not her husband at the time, he didn’t condemn her. He basically told her that he was the Messiah, that he could meet her deeper spiritual needs that when met would likely result in the resolution of her personal relational issues. That is my approach too. Whatever marital state a person is in when I meet them, I instruct them to live according to the Torah and follow Yeshua relying on his grace.
Adultery in the marriage is a difficult situation. Paul is very clear that adulterers will not be in the kingdom of Elohim (1 Cor 6:9)—that is, they will not have eternal life, unless, of course, they repent as David did in his affair with Bathsheba. When adultery occurs in a marriage, there needs to be repentance and reconciliation—especially if believers are involved. Reconciliation may require that both receive marriage counseling from a biblically-based marriage counselor. The need for this is even more critical if there are children involved.
A major problem arises when one of the parties refuses to repent and reconcile. At this point, separation or divorce may result. For the party who wants to reconcile, even if separation or divorce occurs, one needs to move slowly and never jump quickly into another marriage. One will need to pray for the unrepentant spouse (or ex-spouse) in hopes that YHVH will soften the ex-spouse’s heart, bring a spirit of repentance to all the parties resulting in reconciliation. If after a period of time (perhaps several years) reconciliation seems impossible (especially if the party who refuses to reconcile remarries), then I believe that one is free to remarry, but they must do so following biblical criteria.
Clearly, the Torah allows for divorce and remarriage (see Lev 21:7; Deut 24:1–5). Yeshua acknowledges the reality of divorce. Why? Because it is not a perfect world and people become hard of heart. Issues such as fraud, adultery, abuse, abandonment, criminality, substance abuse (e.g., drugs and alcohol) often arise that make a marriage impossible. Good and well-intentioned people sometimes fall victim to bad people and bad situations. That’s just the reality of the human condition whether we want to admit it or not—whether it goes against YHVH’s ideal for marriage or not. As such, we have to deal with the realities.
If you have read my Torah teachings, you’ll see that there is a likely possibility that Moses divorced Zipporah and remarried the Ethiopian woman. In ancient times, many men didn’t divorce their wives, they just married another wife and kept adding wives. Although polygamy was not YHVH’s ideal, he nevertheless permitted it, though it caused no end of problems and grief for families and marriages. I see modern divorce to be similar to polygamy. Instead of keeping the disfavored wife, “moving her to the back burner” of the family situation and getting a new wife, one simply divorces one’s wife and gets a new one. In a real spiritual sense, one is still spiritually and emotionally attached to their former spouses after they’re remarried. This is similar to polygamy except one is not living with one’s ex-spouses.
